Revised Society's Mirror

This is the mirror we need to be looking into, one that shows us how we are to see ourselves. Our view of ourselves is distorted by the social standards that are place on us daily by the messages that are conveyed through things such as peer groups, family, pop culture, and mass media. It is a wonder that any of us can still function when we see ourselves through the mirror of these messages. These messages say we have to be beautiful. We have to have a slim body or be muscular if a male. We can’t have any physical imperfections. We are told that we need to look like the people we see in the movies, be admired by others, and we have to attract the opposite sex. When we work at viewing ourselves differently we find that we are still being hounded by the mirror that others hold up by judging us. This has been around for a long time. I am not the only one who finds this to be true. James M.Henslin writes an article about this very subject. In his article he states, we imagine how we appear to those around us. We interpret others' reactions. We come to conclusions about how others evaluate us. We develop a self-concept. Based on our interpretations of the reaction’s of others, we develop feelings and ideas about ourselves. A favorable reflection in this "social mirror" leads to a positive self-concept, a negative reflection to a negative self-concept. "Society has built a mirror that distorts how we are viewed." In, Dude Looks Like a Lady, Kathy Wilson, did rebel against the beauty contest that the media conveys, but she was still in the beauty contest whether she wanted to be or not. She shows us that when she prepares herself for the confrontation from the man she calls the redneck man. She said, "Aaaw, I thought. Bring it on" (p23). Someone who is free of the world's mirror isn't anticipating the criticism of the onlooker. And then she reconsiders letting her hair grow out because of the onlookers reaction. This says to me that she was still living her life by society’s mirror. At first I was amazed at her courage and self-worth that she exhibited by cutting her hair and saying she was cute that way, because I would feel cute in my own home maybe, but in public I feel I have to present myself according to the standards. I have to be beautiful, so my hair and clothes have to be just right. So I take a look at myself in my bathroom mirror. What is reflected in my mirror tells me whether I am ready to go out in public or not. The mirror is the place I check at home to see if I am okay to go into public. It’s the same with Society’s mirror, if I wanted to be accepted and sometimes to be loved by my peers. Then I would have to follow the standards set forth by the peer groups, family, pop culture, and mass media. Wilson describes herself as "a black woman whose bald head makes me invisible to some, boyish to others, and beautiful to me. It makes me unfettered and unadorned. Mostly it makes me free. And without it my name is all woman"( p23). Free means nothing can hold a person back. Everyone is still affected by the judges of the social mirror. I prepare my body at the beginning of every year for the bathing suit competition by dieting and exercising. Winter is easy when there are the funds to buy the right clothes. As I get older the social mirror says "Sorry, honey you just don't meet the standards anymore" I started working on the way I think. I started reciting positive affirmations to myself to counter the negative thoughts. Then I realized that I needed to choose to change who and what defines my worth. The mirror has always told me who I am. I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect especially as I age. Until I choose to decide that the mirror will no longer define me I will be trapped in the beauty contest of society’s mirror. I am now changing what perception I have of myself by changing my mind about who will be my judge. My creator is my judge now not the mirror of society. I’ve tried just telling myself that I am acceptable just the way I am. That doesn't work for long. I’ve even said, "Who gives a hoot what they think, this is me, deal with it." I didn’t want to be like those who just learn to live with what the mirror has given me and suffer in silence. Cultural attitudes and assumptions define identity. They also allow us to label or identify others. We are influenced by our surroundings. The magazines we read influence us. The t.v. shows we watch. The views of others presented in a negative manner can make even the most confident person feel incapable of doing a task. One sunny day last week my friend walked up to my gate. I know her as a beautiful, smart, loving, compassionate 38 year old. Right now she is attending nursing school and will graduate in June. She has three very lovely girls. She is a great mother. She succeeds in everything she does because she is always trying to do her best. Yet when someone who is in authority tells her that she is incapable all of a sudden she is in the way she thinks about herself. In another situation a husband of a friend of mine is working on my car when he says, "you'd never know by looking at me that I would be capable of doing this, would you?" These two people are perfect examples of how the mirror of society affects our view of ourselves. "Society has built a mirror that distorts how we are viewed." We could hide behind masks like in "Masks" by Lucy Grealy, so we too could say, "I began to realize why I felt so good. No one could see me clearly"(Lucy Grealy, p43). Or we could have not only looks and age as our problem but our language too as in "How to Tame a Wild Tongue" by Gloria Anasaldua "Ethnic identity is twin skin to linguistic identity- I am my language. Until I can take pride in my language, I cannot take pride in myself"(Anasaldua, p58). We must take pride in us as an individual, different from others, unique and okay with us so we can break out of the mirror that society has built.