Original Society's Mirror

Our view of ourselves is distorted by our society’s standards that are place on us daily. It is a wonder that any of us can still function when we see ourselves through the mirror of the world. According to our cultural standards: We have to be beautiful, a slim body, no physical imperfection (or close to that), to look like the people we see in the movies, admired by others, attract the opposite sex. When we work at viewing ourselves differently we are still are hounded by the mirror that others hold up by judging us. James M. Henslin, Sociology, writes: Each to each a looking-glass Reflects the other that doth pass. The looking-glass self contains three elements: 1. We imagine how we appear to those around us. 2. We interpret others' reactions. We come to conclusions about how others evaluate us. 3. We develop a self-concept. Based on our interpretations of the reactions of others, we develop feelings and ideas about ourselves. A favorable reflection in this "social mirror" leads to a positive self-concept, a negative reflection to a negative self-concept. "Society has built a mirror that distorts how we are viewed." In Dude Looks Like a Lady, Kathy Wilson, she did rebel against the beauty contest that life sponsors but she was still in it whether she wanted to be or not. She shows us that when she prepares herself for the confrontation from the man she calls the redneck man. She said, "Aaaw, I thought. Bring it on"(Kathy Wilson, p23). Someone who is free of the world's mirror isn't anticipating the criticism of the onlooker. And then she reconsiders letting her hair grow out because of the onlookers reaction. This says to me that she was still living her life by the cultural mirror. At first I was amazed at her courage and self-worth that she exhibited by cutting her hair and saying she was cute that way, because I would feel cute in my own home maybe, but in public I feel I have to present myself according to the standards. The "mirror" if I wanted to be accepted and sometimes to be loved. In "Dude Looks Like a Lady" Wilson describes herself as "a black woman whose bald head makes me invisible to some, boyish to others, and beautiful to me. It makes me unfettered and unadorned. Mostly it makes me free. And without it my name is all woman"(Wilson, p23). Free means you are not bothered. She proves over and over that she was bothered. Everyone is still affected by the judges of the social mirror. Most of us prepare our bodies at the beginning of every year for the bathing suit competition by dieting and exercising. Winter is easy if you have the funds to buy the clothes and the face to pull it off. When the social mirror says "Sorry honey you just don't meet the standards anymore" some work on the mind. We sing songs like “Mirror" by Barlow Girl asks the mirror on the wall, have I got it? Cause mirror you’ve always told me who I am. I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect" then she decides that the mirror will no longer define her. Then she questions the mirror, “who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be? I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do... I won't try. Mirror I am seeing a new reflection I'm looking into the eyes of he who made me and to him I am beauty beyond compare I know, he defines me." She is now changing what perception she has of herself by changing her mind about who will be her judge. Some say things like "I am acceptable just the way I am." That doesn't work for some so they say things like "Who gives a hoot what they think, this is me, deal with it." Some learn to live with what the mirror has given them. Some suffer in silence. But we all feel it in some way or another. Kathy Wilson mentioned that she was cute like that, well in the dictionary cute is defined pretty or pleasing in a dainty way. Kathy gives us the idea that she is out of the competition of the mirror, but she isn't. Cultural attitudes and assumptions define identity. They also allow us to label or identify others. We are influenced by our surroundings. Our sense of identity extends from our personal connections, to our social relationships, to material objects we choose, and to others we don't. The views of others presented in a negative manner can make even the most confident person feel incapable of doing a task. One sunny day last week my friend walked up to my gate. I know her as a beautiful, smart, loving, compassionate 38 year old. Right now she is attending Nursing School and will graduate in June of this year. She has 3 very lovely girls and she is a great mom. She succeeds in everything she does because she is always trying to do her best. Yet when someone in authority tells her that she is incapable all of a sudden she is. In another situation a husband of a friend of mine is working on my car when he says, "you'd never know by looking at me that I would be capable of doing this, would you?" "Society has built a mirror that distorts how we are viewed." We could hide behind masks like in "Masks" by Lucy Grealy, so we too could say, "I began to realize why I felt so good. No one could see me clearly"(Lucy Grealy, p43). Or we could have not only looks and age as our problem but our language too as in "How to Tame a Wild Tongue" by Gloria Anasaldua "Ethnic identity is twin skin to linguistic identity- I am my language. Until I can take pride in my language, I cannot take pride in myself"(Anasaldua, p58). We must take pride in us as an individual, different from others, unique and okay with us or we are stuck in the mirror that society has built.